I hardly thought you would appear out of nowhere so early in the morning to complain!
[Or: Constantin, concerned about making noise? He's never heard of it. His apartment is already Messy and he barely has any actual belongings, he must move furniture to stay entertained... Really, it's Felix's own fault that he was bothered by noise.
And don't call it practicing, that makes him sound even lamer than he already is. Damn.
Anyway: no, this is still rude! Constantin puts his glass down and puts his hand over Felix's on the neck of the bottle, so tenderly-- no, it's to get a good grip on it and tug it away from his traitor mouth. Give him his Stuff back, sir!!]
Would you give me the wine back now, please and thank you?
fun analogy time: connie is to a croissant as felix is to _____
[Well, la-di-da, Connie! It turns out other people live in apartment buildings! Who knew. Anyway: Felix isn't the wine-swigging sort, but now taking a swig from this particular bottle is, like, very high on Felix's list of priorities. Funny how that works.]
And watch you spill it? [Which is, you know. The thing he just accused Felix of being close to doing, which is why Felix pulls the bottle an inch or so back his way. He's stronger; it's easy.] No, thanks.
[Ah? Sir? Constantin does not let go, no, but he is easily out-pulled and blinks a few times like it just does not make sense that this rude man is still being rude.]
I haven't spilled anything, [And neither has Felix but Constantin said it first, therefore he's won,] Don't be such a child!
[Because two can play at that game, too, which is why Constantin slides his free hand over to take the rest of Felix's actual drink. If he drinks this spicy beast he will die, and Felix will be responsible.]
tender, flaky layers. buttery and a lil sweet. duh. why bagel chips
["Why is Felix, like... Felix?" The question that has been asked many a time by many a person, but ah, well. Enjoy the mystery. Also enjoy Felix's look of indignation as he watches his glass slide across the table, because—hey! No one can do the sort of shit that he can!]
Take your own advice.
[Again: HEY! That's his spicy drink, sir, so you know what? Time for Felix to wrench this bottle right out of Connie's hand, because it's like taking candy from a very, very weak baby—and then it's definitely being held out of reach as Felix casts a pointed Look down at HIS glass.]
But if you want to share, [Felix says, pausing for that added effect because he is a rude man and this will never change,] I hear it's polite to ask.
[Eat your earlier words, Connie dearest.]
they're bread which is good but also unpleasant in practice, obviously
[In his defense, his whole wine bottle is more valuable than Felix's one spicy drink (tm), so who is making the bigger sacrifice here? It's Constantin. Definitely making a sacrifice and not just sputtering in protest when he is cruelly robbed of his wine and left with this crappy drink.
Brat... He still has it in him to roll his eyes some as he lifts the spicy glass.]
Oh yes, you're so clever, no one in the world has ever tried that on me before. Remarkable!
[Calling him a hypocrite over dumb things, that is... Anyway, rather than reflect on his behavior, Constantin takes a pointed swig from the glass. Instantly he makes a face, but he manages to get it down before he coughs like this drink has just punched him in the gut, which it effectively has.
Then he... laughs, but it's wheezy.]
This is horrible! Why are you drinking this? Are you alright?
[Why is he taking another sip? Confirmation and pettiness, duh.]
hmm! also acceptable: a chip is flat and brittle and so, too, is felix's nonexistent ass
[They're both brats—and in spite of himself, Felix is having? An okay time? He would like his drink returned to the proper side of the table, yes, but Constantin giving him shit right back is much better than, like, Constantin yelling, or Constantin stomping away. It's the little things in life, sometimes, so yes, fine, roll those eyes; Felix merely smirks as he brings the wine bottle back to his lips, only taking a sip—a sip—of it when Constantin sees fit to take a much larger drink of his.
And ah, what a reaction. Felix is actually mildly concerned, at first? Lowers his stolen wine bottle in order to better see Constantin's face, just to make sure he isn't about to keel over—but no, no. There Constantin goes, talking even more shit, and Felix, despite himself, feels the corners of his lips quirk upwards once more.]
What's wrong with it? Better than Sex on a Beach.
[Which is a drink Sylvain orders for him all the time, hahaha, a robot gives you the wrong thing once and you're stuck with it forever. But that is neither here nor there, hence Felix's quiet huff of amusement as he, too, goes for seconds. A true swig, this time.]
Certainly better than your wine.
[This is some cheap shit, sir! A noble just knows.]
they're the cryptids of bread products so felix's ass is the same. blurry in pictures, maybe fake...
[He does not like this spicy drink and he is going to regret drinking any of it out of pettiness later, but that's a problem for Future Connie, of course. He peers down at it with a raised eyebrow, like perhaps that can explain why it sucks so bad, before turning that raised eyebrow on Felix.]
Better than... Oh, yes, that one. I wouldn't know!
[They don't have Funny Cocktails where he's from so he hasn't tried to order any, but he has definitely squinted at the available menu with muted wonder. He shrugs, because it probably is better, judging by Felix's shit taste in drinks, but never mind.
As for the wine, well- and he wiggles Felix's glass at him, for emphasis-]
That is their wine. I've a much better vintage back in my room. Pity! If I believed you could still taste anything at all after drinking this nasty thing, I'd have offered.
[But actually no, that's for special occasions, like sulking.]
[A Sex on the Beach™ is definitely better, given Connie's, ah, reaction to this spicy drank—but at least this spicy drank has vodka. Enjoy that, sir, while Felix glances down to the opposite end of the bar, where the robot bartender is, like, polishing glasses or something. Saloon shit.]
For the best, [is Felix's wholly unconcerned response as he lifts his hand, waving the bartender back down their way.] I would have declined. I've seen enough of your room.
[His apartment, actually, but whatever. Semantics! Just let Felix take another swig of wine before setting bottle back atop the bar, fingers still curled about its neck as he nods down toward his drink.]
Planning to finish it? Or is it too much for you?
[The bartender is clankin' this way, so he needs to know. For Reasons.]
slenderman, specifically the edgy middle school kids kind
[Wow, his apartment is just fine? He waves a hand dismissively. Felix could not possibly be more wrong, but that's just how he is, apparently! Wrong about Constantin's interior design, wrong about drink flavors...]
Suit yourself! I've done nothing to spoil the wine. Steal as much cheap swill as you want, then.
[What a snob... Anyway, no, he's not going to finish this drink, but he frowns at it again as if he's really thinking about it. But nah, no way; he slides it back in front of Felix with a scoff. Take it back, free him.]
[Felix will visit Constantin's apartment in, like, two days and dead-eye at the furniture maze, but that's neither here nor there.]
Generous of you.
[The offer for him to continue "stealing" and the return of his drink, thanks so much. And he could probably add more to that, if the bartender didn't come to a stop right before him. Hey, hi, what's up.]
Another, [he orders, tapping a finger beside his half-empty glass—and then, after a second's consideration:] And a [hrmh] Sex on a Beach. For that one.
["That one" is, of course, Constantin... and Constantin gets to watch the brief argument that is the bartender saying, it is Sex on the beach, sir, and Felix saying, well, that's ridiculous, how is he supposed to know what beach it's on? It's a beach, not the beach. Obviously.
Anyway, Connie, enjoy your bright and fruity beverage as Felix swiftly drowns what's left of his.]
[The furniture maze is an act of defiance. Anyway: he would like his wine back, cheap as it may be, and leans on his elbow as he just Looks at Felix expectantly. Helloooo? He did not return that spicy drink for his health, although technically he should have after the first sip.
Give him his STUFF back-- or, what's this? He blinks, glancing between Felix and the robot bartender during this fascinating argument, surprised that he is getting a mysterious Sexy Beach drink after all. Aha...]
You know... I've no idea what point you're trying to prove, but I daresay you're going about it all wrong.
[Giving him drinks? He's learning the wrong lesson here, that of course being that Felix will do things for free to stop being irritated. Move furniture, order drinks... This is not knowledge he should have.
Anyway, robots can mix drinks quickly, so he may admire and taste his fruity drink in record time. And oh!! It's so much better than Spice Hell! He wags a finger at Felix while enjoying a second delicious sip. Hmm!!-]
You have terrible taste. This is quite good!
were you thinking persona mothman... because he's persona mothman
[Drink: downed. Felix slides his empty glass to the side before picking up his new glass, shrugging a bit as he does so. He ordered the drink because he isn't a thief out to rob a man of his, uh, rather shitty wine? And because said man is, like, somewhat entertaining, despite all odds... better this than dealing with that robot awkward hovering near him for the rest of the night...
And also because, you know. Felix isn't as big a jerk as he'd sometimes like to be, but. Shh. He was nice-ish; now he must be rude.]
Take it as you will. I don't care.
[Tough words from a tough guy. But Constantin shifts his attention down to his drink as Felix swirls his own about, and is it a surprise that Constantin likes it? Nah. Felix doesn't know him, but everyone else around Felix liked that disgusting drink, so... it tracks. It's whatever. And he's about to say as much, too, but turning back to Constantin means that Felix's eyes, naturally, fall right to the ridiculous straw from which Constantin is happily sipping his drink through. Watch his eyes narrow, because goddess above...]
...What is that? [He didn't order that fuckin'... curly straw? This is the stupidest thing he's ever seen, hence his pause—and then his snort.] You look ridiculous.
🦋😔 there's no moth emoji so it's pensive butterfly...... anyway this is bullying :/
[Know that Felix's Tough Guy TM vibe only makes Constantin roll his eyes again. One does not go out of one's way to be nice-ish more than once if they're an asshole all the way down, sir. He appreciates it, he does, but he'd appreciate more if his wine hadn't been stolen already.
But! That doesn't matter, because the fruity drink is tastier than it has any right to be. Baby's first cocktail... He glances down at the straw while he's still sipping from it, shrugging.]
I think it's quite fun.
[You know, fun? That thing some people have? Try it sometime, bud.]
You didn't get one? [of course not,] Surely they have one that's stiff and fussy.
[Fun is subjective? Felix's idea of fun is, like, winning a challenging spar, not... drinking a too-sweet drink from a curly straw. Bruh. Felix is raising an eyebrow at that—and then quickly looking back down at his drink, because don't wink at him. Don't do that. This is not Friendly!
...It's a little Friendly. How bizarre.]
Stiff, [he repeats, fiddling with the lime garnish on the side of his glass.] Hardly.
[He's so... relaxed. So cool and down-to-earth, made all the more obvious by the way he pulls his cocktail sword free of those limes and points it toward Connie. Look at it! It's sharp and plastic and very, very... yellow. Neat, right.]
I have something better.
[Objectively speaking, he means, because cocktail swords are... swords. Does he collect these now? Yes. It's Sylvain's fault.]
[It's Friendly and Felix is a grumpy little gremlin, a fact suggested by his angry furniture moving and confirmed here by his grumbling. It isn't... a bad thing, necessarily - that he is such a little gremlin. Being the prodding, persistent type alongside the rough around the edges type is something Constantin is more than used to, so!
So, it's fine. It's Friendly. Accept it and accept the skeptical but also highly amused Look that Constantin gives, because wow... the denial, followed by a little toy sword... This guy.]
What? A toothpick?
[Can he see that it's a sword? Sure. Does he also reach over and flick it? Yes. Not with enough force to send it flying, but pointedly enough to be annoying. That he hits it at all is the true victory here, because whew, there sure is some Alcohol in this sexy beach concoction.
Very nice toy, buddy.]
Very impressive. You've boldly made a stand for toothpicks!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
top 10 anime breadtrayals
[Or: Constantin, concerned about making noise? He's never heard of it. His apartment is already Messy and he barely has any actual belongings, he must move furniture to stay entertained... Really, it's Felix's own fault that he was bothered by noise.
And don't call it practicing, that makes him sound even lamer than he already is. Damn.
Anyway: no, this is still rude! Constantin puts his glass down and puts his hand over Felix's on the neck of the bottle, so tenderly-- no, it's to get a good grip on it and tug it away from his traitor mouth. Give him his Stuff back, sir!!]
Would you give me the wine back now, please and thank you?
fun analogy time: connie is to a croissant as felix is to _____
And watch you spill it? [Which is, you know. The thing he just accused Felix of being close to doing, which is why Felix pulls the bottle an inch or so back his way. He's stronger; it's easy.] No, thanks.
[Rude politeness. Two can play that game.]
bagel chips. why is connie a croissant
I haven't spilled anything, [And neither has Felix but Constantin said it first, therefore he's won,] Don't be such a child!
[Because two can play at that game, too, which is why Constantin slides his free hand over to take the rest of Felix's actual drink. If he drinks this spicy beast he will die, and Felix will be responsible.]
tender, flaky layers. buttery and a lil sweet. duh. why bagel chips
Take your own advice.
[Again: HEY! That's his spicy drink, sir, so you know what? Time for Felix to wrench this bottle right out of Connie's hand, because it's like taking candy from a very, very weak baby—and then it's definitely being held out of reach as Felix casts a pointed Look down at HIS glass.]
But if you want to share, [Felix says, pausing for that added effect because he is a rude man and this will never change,] I hear it's polite to ask.
[Eat your earlier words, Connie dearest.]
they're bread which is good but also unpleasant in practice, obviously
Brat... He still has it in him to roll his eyes some as he lifts the spicy glass.]
Oh yes, you're so clever, no one in the world has ever tried that on me before. Remarkable!
[Calling him a hypocrite over dumb things, that is... Anyway, rather than reflect on his behavior, Constantin takes a pointed swig from the glass. Instantly he makes a face, but he manages to get it down before he coughs like this drink has just punched him in the gut, which it effectively has.
Then he... laughs, but it's wheezy.]
This is horrible! Why are you drinking this? Are you alright?
[Why is he taking another sip? Confirmation and pettiness, duh.]
hmm! also acceptable: a chip is flat and brittle and so, too, is felix's nonexistent ass
And ah, what a reaction. Felix is actually mildly concerned, at first? Lowers his stolen wine bottle in order to better see Constantin's face, just to make sure he isn't about to keel over—but no, no. There Constantin goes, talking even more shit, and Felix, despite himself, feels the corners of his lips quirk upwards once more.]
What's wrong with it? Better than Sex on a Beach.
[Which is a drink Sylvain orders for him all the time, hahaha, a robot gives you the wrong thing once and you're stuck with it forever. But that is neither here nor there, hence Felix's quiet huff of amusement as he, too, goes for seconds. A true swig, this time.]
Certainly better than your wine.
[This is some cheap shit, sir! A noble just knows.]
they're the cryptids of bread products so felix's ass is the same. blurry in pictures, maybe fake...
Better than... Oh, yes, that one. I wouldn't know!
[They don't have Funny Cocktails where he's from so he hasn't tried to order any, but he has definitely squinted at the available menu with muted wonder. He shrugs, because it probably is better, judging by Felix's shit taste in drinks, but never mind.
As for the wine, well- and he wiggles Felix's glass at him, for emphasis-]
That is their wine. I've a much better vintage back in my room. Pity! If I believed you could still taste anything at all after drinking this nasty thing, I'd have offered.
[But actually no, that's for special occasions, like sulking.]
so if you had to pick a specific cryptid... 🤔
For the best, [is Felix's wholly unconcerned response as he lifts his hand, waving the bartender back down their way.] I would have declined. I've seen enough of your room.
[His apartment, actually, but whatever. Semantics! Just let Felix take another swig of wine before setting bottle back atop the bar, fingers still curled about its neck as he nods down toward his drink.]
Planning to finish it? Or is it too much for you?
[The bartender is clankin' this way, so he needs to know. For Reasons.]
slenderman, specifically the edgy middle school kids kind
Suit yourself! I've done nothing to spoil the wine. Steal as much cheap swill as you want, then.
[What a snob... Anyway, no, he's not going to finish this drink, but he frowns at it again as if he's really thinking about it. But nah, no way; he slides it back in front of Felix with a scoff. Take it back, free him.]
Here.
excellent... well, connie is the mothman, so.
Generous of you.
[The offer for him to continue "stealing" and the return of his drink, thanks so much. And he could probably add more to that, if the bartender didn't come to a stop right before him. Hey, hi, what's up.]
Another, [he orders, tapping a finger beside his half-empty glass—and then, after a second's consideration:] And a [hrmh] Sex on a Beach. For that one.
["That one" is, of course, Constantin... and Constantin gets to watch the brief argument that is the bartender saying, it is Sex on the beach, sir, and Felix saying, well, that's ridiculous, how is he supposed to know what beach it's on? It's a beach, not the beach. Obviously.
Anyway, Connie, enjoy your bright and fruity beverage as Felix swiftly drowns what's left of his.]
hmm! hate it! you're not wrong
Give him his STUFF back-- or, what's this? He blinks, glancing between Felix and the robot bartender during this fascinating argument, surprised that he is getting a mysterious Sexy Beach drink after all. Aha...]
You know... I've no idea what point you're trying to prove, but I daresay you're going about it all wrong.
[Giving him drinks? He's learning the wrong lesson here, that of course being that Felix will do things for free to stop being irritated. Move furniture, order drinks... This is not knowledge he should have.
Anyway, robots can mix drinks quickly, so he may admire and taste his fruity drink in record time. And oh!! It's so much better than Spice Hell! He wags a finger at Felix while enjoying a second delicious sip. Hmm!!-]
You have terrible taste. This is quite good!
were you thinking persona mothman... because he's persona mothman
And also because, you know. Felix isn't as big a jerk as he'd sometimes like to be, but. Shh. He was nice-ish; now he must be rude.]
Take it as you will. I don't care.
[Tough words from a tough guy. But Constantin shifts his attention down to his drink as Felix swirls his own about, and is it a surprise that Constantin likes it? Nah. Felix doesn't know him, but everyone else around Felix liked that disgusting drink, so... it tracks. It's whatever. And he's about to say as much, too, but turning back to Constantin means that Felix's eyes, naturally, fall right to the ridiculous straw from which Constantin is happily sipping his drink through. Watch his eyes narrow, because goddess above...]
...What is that? [He didn't order that fuckin'... curly straw? This is the stupidest thing he's ever seen, hence his pause—and then his snort.] You look ridiculous.
🦋😔 there's no moth emoji so it's pensive butterfly...... anyway this is bullying :/
But! That doesn't matter, because the fruity drink is tastier than it has any right to be. Baby's first cocktail... He glances down at the straw while he's still sipping from it, shrugging.]
I think it's quite fun.
[You know, fun? That thing some people have? Try it sometime, bud.]
You didn't get one? [of course not,] Surely they have one that's stiff and fussy.
[And..... wink! This is friendship.]
tell me i'm wrong! i'm waiting!
...It's a little Friendly. How bizarre.]
Stiff, [he repeats, fiddling with the lime garnish on the side of his glass.] Hardly.
[He's so... relaxed. So cool and down-to-earth, made all the more obvious by the way he pulls his cocktail sword free of those limes and points it toward Connie. Look at it! It's sharp and plastic and very, very... yellow. Neat, right.]
I have something better.
[Objectively speaking, he means, because cocktail swords are... swords. Does he collect these now? Yes. It's Sylvain's fault.]
you: princess argument meme
So, it's fine. It's Friendly. Accept it and accept the skeptical but also highly amused Look that Constantin gives, because wow... the denial, followed by a little toy sword... This guy.]
What? A toothpick?
[Can he see that it's a sword? Sure. Does he also reach over and flick it? Yes. Not with enough force to send it flying, but pointedly enough to be annoying. That he hits it at all is the true victory here, because whew, there sure is some Alcohol in this sexy beach concoction.
Very nice toy, buddy.]
Very impressive. You've boldly made a stand for toothpicks!